Five Things – ed. 4

  • 06.18.18
  • 5 Min Read

Hey guys, after a couple of long, busy weeks, which include the truly thrilling task of seemingly unending keyword research (the gritty underbelly of advertising copywriting), I’m finally back to wrinkling your brain and tickling your funny bone with a new list. So, without any further ado, let’s get into it, shall we?


Well hot dog, I’ve really hit the ground running on this one. All of you avid, long-time followers have probably caught on that I have a BIG thing for disruptive, alternative media advertising, and whooo boy does this one fit the bill.

A very large Amazon Prime box branded with Jurassic World logos and “breathing holes” was being hauled down the streets of the Los Angeles area. “How large was the box?” you ask? Well, let me tell you. It was large enough to fit the estimated size of a certain carnivorous dinosaur.

Amazon | 5 Things That are Blowing My Mind

There’s no doubt that a box this size being hauled on a trailer would turn the heads of anyone it passes. But the truly unique part about this (yes, there’s more), is that you could scan the shipping label on the box and ask your trusty FBI wiretap, aka: Alexa (POLITICAL COMMENTARY!), what its actual contents were. And sadly, since science hasn’t gotten off its lazy butt and started splicing genetics, it’s not an actual dinosaur. BUT it’s actually the brand-new Jeep Rubicon, a vehicle tied closely with the film.

The thing I love so much about this is that it ties in three seeming dissimilar products together so nicely, and in such a way that it creates intrigue to the general public. You know that seeing a giant Jurassic World-branded box driving around your city would pique your interest to the point where you’d have to figure out what was actually in it. Granted, when you find out that it’s a vehicle that’s most certainly out of your price range, you’d probably be a little disheartened. But really, what did you expect? An actual Tyrannosaurus Rex? … yeah, you’re right, that woulda been really cool.


In the advertising industry, properly branding your clients is essential. Some brands are stronger than others. But I guess the main question is, which brand is the absolute strongest?

Sure, we could do some super boring analysis to figure out stupid things like revenue and name recognition, you know, stuff that no one cares about. What I’m talking about, is physically, in a fight, which brand would reign supreme? And you know what? This question can now be answered, thanks Polygon’s new, hit internet series, “Brandslam!

Brandslam | 5 Things That Are Rocking My World

Now, the internet is home to many important things. You have all the world’s information at the tips of your fingers. You can talk to people across the world with ease. You can stream any episode of “The Office” on a bus ride to work. But “Brandslam” might be one of THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS this miracle invention has provided us. Polygon has rounded up all of the biggest mascots in advertising’s past and present and makes them duke it out for brand supremacy with the help of “WWE 2K18’s” “Create a Wrestler” feature.

Wanna see Wendy’s own Dave Thomas fight the Panda Express panda bear? You’ve got it.

How about pitting Papa John against the old Taco Bell Chihuahua? Well, they’re ALL IN.

Move over, intense research and consumer trends, “Brandslam” will tell you who’s going to win the franchise wars. I don’t even know why we’re even going to bother continuing with deep insights when we clearly just need to watch nightmarish digital recreations of beloved branding mascots fight it out for our entertainment. Now, if you need me, I’m going to be updating my resume and finding another career path.


And now for a little skit:

Me on Cool, I’d like to watch this 30 second TV commercial.
com: Great, but before you watch this commercial, watch a commercial.
Me: Do I have to? Yeah, it’s going to be 45 seconds, though.

Thank you.


Hey weird, another unique outdoor ad! I’ve become so predictable. But if it’s worth anything, this one is a little different. This ad is boring.

This is a simple billboard with a very ambitious premise, to stay up for 12 years. Wood protection brand, Sioo:x doesn’t only want to get their name out there, they want potential customers to see exactly how their product works in real-time. So, they devised to create what they’re calling, “the world’s most boring billboard.

Most Boring Billboard | 5 Things That Are Rocking My World

All they did was fit the size of the billboard with pieces of lumber and treat the wood with their product. And now, all that’s left to do is wait. To make this boring billboard even more interesting, they have placed it in a coastal town with a very humid climate, so this wood protector is going to be put through its paces.

I really dig this concept, because it shows and doesn’t tell. Granted, you’re going to have to wait quite a bit to see if it works or not, but they’re willing to put their money where their mouth is. And in the off-chance the product doesn’t work, the rest of the world will have forgotten about it by then, so no big loss.


It’s baaack, and I just blue myself!

Arrested Development has been my favorite show ever since I first saw it back in the mid aughts. Everything about the show just seemed to click with me, from the casting to the choice of using a narrator. But the aspect that hit me the hardest is easily the writing. I’ve probably seen the initial three seasons of this show more than 10 times, and every (and I mean every) time I re-watch, I find some new joke hidden behind one of its countless layers. Compared to any other sitcom, there’s “NO TOUCHING!” this show’s writing.

For those of you who don’t know, Arrested Development was cancelled from network television back in 2006 after only three seasons, but thanks to a consistent yelling (and probably chicken dancing) to bring it back from the general public, the show eventually came back. BUT much like anything that goes away and then is begged to resurface by a large chunk of a population, it inevitably disappointed most of the people – and that’s why you don’t yell. It just shows how we, as a general people, are never really satisfied when we actually get what we want (…I don’t know what I expected).

Well, I’m here to tell you, that I’ve bucked that trend. Their fifth season recently came out, and I still think that this show has some of the most ridiculously stupid/clever jokes. Seriously, I was brought to the point of tears at the idea of an Orange County talk show called “O.C. Can You Say.” Everything about it is still great, the script is still insane, the characters are just as over-the-top as ever, and the narrator (Ron Howard) still punches up every scene.

I understand that overhyping anything will inevitably lead it to fall short of your expectations, but this show is still perfect to me. Sure, they get weird and try new things, but I applaud it. Bare bones, this show still has everything I have always loved about it. But to those who hate it because it’s different than the first three seasons, go see a Star War instead.

Well, there we have it, folks. Another list of things I think are really cool. I really hope you like my truly objective opinions about stuff. If you agree with me, that’s awesome, if you don’t, well… I guess I really don’t have a say in the matter. Anyway, have a good one!